Muse (peering over my shoulder): Hmm…
Me: What, hmm? What’s wrong?
Muse: I just don’t…I’m not sure…
Me (re-reading computer screen): What aren’t you sure about? This was your idea.
Muse (leaning elbows on desk and tapping a finger against her lip): Well…not really. I suggested he should do this — (points at top of screen) — but not that. (Shakes her head) Nope. He’s not happy with that.
Me: Well, what would he be happy with, then? I could change–
Muse: That wouldn’t work.
Me: I haven’t said what I’d do yet!
Muse: I know, but it still wouldn’t work. Is there any coffee left? (peeks into the empty mug at my elbow) I think I need another coffee. You know, to inspire me. And maybe a cookie. I feel faint from lack of food.
Me: There are no cookies, and it’s too late in the day for coffee. I won’t sleep tonight if we have coffee now.
Muse: Ohhh…well, how about tea? Tea would be nice. And maybe we could make cookies. Chocolate chip ones. Or oatmeal raisin. We haven’t had oatmeal raisin cookies in forever.
Me: No. No cookies. Can we just get back to the story for a minute, please? I’m nowhere near my word count for the day.
Muse: And whose fault is that? If you’d just take my advice once in a while…
Me: I did take your advice! That’s why I wrote this! (I jab my finger at the computer screen)
Muse (looking hurt): You’re yelling at me. You know I can’t work if you yell at me. Why are you always so mean? Other writers are nice to their muses, you know. (sniffs) I think I need to hug the kitten.
Me: I’m not yelling, I’m being emphatic. And the kitten is sleeping somewhere.
Muse (yawning): Lucky kitten. Maybe that’s what I need instead of coffee. A nap.
Me (through gritted teeth): Can…we…please…just finish this scene.
Muse: Was that a question? It didn’t sound like a question. Are you being mean to me again?
Me: (deep breath) I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to be mean. Maybe if you just try to explain why he wouldn’t do this…
Muse (sighing heavily): Fine. (rereads computer screen) Oh. Huh. How about that.
Me: Now what?
Muse: Nothing. It’s fine the way it is.
Me: What? But you said–
Muse: I was wrong. I must have misread it.
Me: Seriously?!? We had an entire argument about something that wasn’t even wrong? And how could you misread something that was your idea in the first place?
Muse: It’s probably because you’re starving me.
Me (letting my head drop onto the keyboard): You’re not giving up the cookie thing, are you?
Muse (smugly): Not a chance, lady.
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